Pursuing Lightness The New Rules I Live (and Work) By
This post contains affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you if you choose to make a purchase. resilienSHE is an ad-free space because we believe your time and focus deserve respect — no pop-ups, no clutter. Supporting through affiliate links helps us keep creating thoughtful, meaningful content. Read more in our Disclaimers and Privacy Policy.
Table of Contents
For most of my life, I equated success with weight.
The weight of responsibility. The weight of achievement. The weight of constantly proving that I was capable, worthy, and strong.
The heavier my workload, the more validated I felt.
Until the day that weight nearly broke me.
After my burnout, I realized I didn’t need more strength — I needed lightness.
Not the kind that floats away from reality, but the kind that stays grounded while moving freely.
“Pursuing lightness” became my new way of living and working. A quiet rebellion against the culture of constant striving — and a framework for finding meaning without self-destruction.
Here are the new rules I live (and work) by.
Rule One: Progress Without Pressure
For years, I thought resilience meant endurance — the ability to keep going, no matter what.
But the truth is, pressure doesn’t build resilience. It crushes it.
When I studied microbial systems, I learned that balance is what allows ecosystems to thrive. Too much stress without recovery, and the system collapses. It loses its diversity, its adaptability, its spark.
Humans aren’t so different.
I used to wake up and immediately fill my day to the brim — back-to-back meetings, research deadlines, startup milestones. It looked impressive, but it was unsustainable.
Now, I build in breathing room. I protect unscheduled time the way I once guarded deliverables.
Progress still matters to me — but not at the expense of peace.
The work I do today has space to breathe, and that’s what keeps it alive.
Rule Two: Curiosity Over Control
As a scientist, I was trained to seek certainty. Every question had a hypothesis. Every experiment had a controlled variable.
But life doesn’t work that way.
My burnout taught me that control isn’t safety — it’s suffocation.
When everything has to go according to plan, there’s no room for discovery.
So now, I lead with curiosity.
Instead of asking “What’s next?” I ask “What’s possible?”
That subtle shift changes everything.
It keeps me open, playful, and present. It’s what inspired me to start writing again — and even pick up the violin without any background or previous experience (something that would have terrified me to try and fail at). Neither came with a roadmap or a measurable outcome. They were simply invitations to explore.
And in that exploration, I found joy again.
Rule Three: Protect the Quiet
Lightness needs stillness to survive.
But stillness used to terrify me.
When the noise stopped — when there were no emails to answer or papers to write — the silence felt like failure. Like I should be doing something more productive.
Now, I see quiet as the most productive space of all. It’s where ideas are born and emotions finally process.
I take long walks without podcasts. I let myself sit in the discomfort of doing nothing.
That stillness has become sacred — a reminder that clarity doesn’t come from control; it comes from calm.
Rule Four: Redefine Success (and Redefine It Often)
For most of my twenties, success was linear. Graduate, publish, defend, build, scale.
But the more milestones I hit, the less fulfilled I felt.
Now, I treat success as seasonal. Some seasons are about expansion — new projects, new challenges. Others are about contraction — reflection, rest, and realignment.
There’s no single definition of success that fits every phase of your life.
The courage is in rewriting the definition as you evolve.
My own definition today is simple:
If I end the day feeling grounded, curious, and at peace — I’m succeeding.
Rule Five: Lightness Is a Daily Choice
Pursuing lightness isn’t something I mastered once and checked off a list.
It’s something I practice every day — in small, intentional ways.
It looks like:
-
Saying no without overexplaining.
-
Starting my mornings with reflection instead of reaction.
-
Leaving space for imperfection in my work.
-
Choosing projects that feel aligned, not just impressive.
Some days I still slip back into old habits. I chase too hard, hold too tightly, forget to breathe. But lightness always finds its way back when I pause long enough to let it in.
Rule Six: Let Your Work Feel Like You
The biggest change in my work came when I stopped performing professionalism — and started integrating my humanity.
I used to write in the rigid language of science: precise, detached, unemotional.
Now, I write from the intersection of logic and empathy — from the lived experience of being both a scientist and a woman learning how to feel again.
That blend is my power. It’s what allows me to bridge worlds — data and intuition, systems and soul.
Your work should sound like you. Feel like you.
That’s how it becomes sustainable. That’s how it starts to matter.
The Science of Sustainable Drive
Pursuing Lightness Isn’t About Doing Less — It’s About Being More
The irony is, I had spent my PhD studying resilience — not in humans, but in microbes.
Microbial ecosystems are fascinating because they thrive under stress, but only when they have time to recover.
If they’re pushed too far, too fast, they collapse. Their diversity diminishes. Their function falters.
That’s exactly what happens to us.
True resilience isn’t about constant adaptation — it’s about regulated adaptation.
Our nervous systems, like microbial systems, need rest periods to recalibrate. To integrate change. To regain balance before the next challenge.
So when I talk about pursuing lightness, it’s not a metaphor. It’s biological. It’s backed by science — and by experience.
Lightness isn’t the absence of effort — it’s the presence of ease.
And that’s the balance I want every woman, every high achiever, every relentless perfectionist to know is possible.
A Quiet Invitation…
If this message resonates with you — if you’re in a season of redefining what success and resilience look like — I created something for you.
The Resilience Reframe Workbook is a space to explore your own version of lightness:
✨ How to pursue what matters most, without losing yourself in the process.
✨ How to balance ambition and rest.
✨ How to design a version of success that feels aligned, not pressured.
You can download it here and start reframing the way you move — from surviving to sustaining, from striving to flowing, from heavy to light.
Hey There, I’m
Madison
full-time scientist, average writer, and founder of resilienSHE.
Around here, I share honest conversations, tools, and reflections for women who want to achieve boldly and rest essentially – redefining resilience on our own terms.
Want to Join the Conversation?