How Burnout Cost Me Millions And Taught Me The True Price Of Success
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I had achieved a dream I’d built my life around—and yet I couldn’t even recognize it as success.
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I started my PhD at 21. At the time, it felt like the obvious choice. I loved learning, and everyone said, “Do what you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life.”
So, I followed that advice straight into a PhD program right after undergrad.
Halfway through, I was deep in research on how the gut microbiome responds to dietary changes. My work on probiotics, combined with my mentor’s expertise in prebiotics, positioned us to create something groundbreaking—symbiotic products designed to support human health in a way few others had achieved.
It was an exhilarating time. Gut health was the emerging field, and we had a clear market advantage.
By the end of my program, I was juggling everything at once: teaching, running lab experiments, writing my dissertation, preparing for my defense—and co-creating a startup. My days were a blur of meetings with patent attorneys, regulatory consultants, tech licensing offices, and office hours. Deadlines for clinical trials, regulatory filings, and manufacturing plans loomed overhead.
At 26, I was on track to earn my PhD, co-own a startup projected to be worth millions, and be recognized as a co-inventor on a promising piece of biotech. On paper, it was everything I had ever worked for.
The Day After The Dream-Come-True
When I successfully defended my dissertation, I became Dr. Madison Moore. It should’ve been one of the happiest moments of my life—a symbol of years of perseverance and sacrifice.
Instead, I woke up the next morning and went straight back to work.
I didn’t take a breath. I didn’t celebrate. I told myself that “rest could come later.” But the truth is, I didn’t know how to rest anymore.
Without the all-consuming pursuit that had defined my life for five years, I felt… empty. I’d become co-dependent with the end goal. The chase had become my identity, and without it, I didn’t know who I was.
If you’ve ever tied your self-worth too tightly to your career, you might understand this feeling. I had achieved a dream I’d built my life around—and yet I couldn’t even recognize it as success.
The Difference Between Burnout and Crashing and Burning
My advisor often reminded me: resilience is how quickly a system returns to baseline. Yet in my own life, I ignored that lesson. I thought resilience meant gritting my teeth, working harder, and pushing through exhaustion to get to where I was going as fast as possible. In reality, what I practiced wasn’t resilience — it was self-destruction.
And so, what felt like an exhilarating climb upward chasing achievement after achievement, milestone after milestone was really just a one-way ticket to a downward spiral I never saw coming.
I fell into a deep depression. The emptiness I felt wasn’t just about finishing the program; it was about continuing to push forward at the same relentless pace, now with the startup company. I told myself it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity—a stepping stone to my career dreams. But while I was chasing that dream, my body and mind were breaking down. I started having random outbursts of tears, meltdowns over insignificant things, and moments of unprovoked rage toward the people who’d stood by me all along. I was bitter, angry, and unraveling.
This lasted about a month. Eventually I hit a breaking point. It wasn’t dramatic, with tears and shouting. It was quieter, but no less devastating: a total mental shutdown. I dissociated entirely. I physically couldn’t get out of bed. I had no energy to shower, brush my teeth, or eat. And worst of all, I didn’t care. I was completely checked out.
During my three months of solitude (let’s call it what it was: unemployment), I finally had the space to reflect. I asked myself: What could I have done differently? That period of raw honesty became the seed of what I now call the Pause, Pivot, Pursue framework.
The Pause That Changed Everything
During my three months of solitude (let’s call it what it was: unemployment), I finally had space to listen.
To my body.
To my burnout.
To the version of me I’d been silencing for years.
Somewhere in that stillness, I realized I’d misunderstood what resilience really meant.
True resilience wasn’t about how much I could endure. It was about how deeply I could recover.
That realization became the seed of what I now call the Pause, Pivot, Pursue framework — the same one I teach through ResilienSHE.
Because sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is stop.
The Cost of Constant Motion
Burnout didn’t just cost me a business opportunity. It cost me my sense of identity, my health, and my joy.
But it also gave me something back: perspective.
Today, I work as a scientist in global biotech, learning how to do meaningful work without losing myself in the process.I’m redefining what success looks like—slower, quieter, more sustainable.
I’m learning to celebrate small wins, protect my peace, and build a life that feels just as successful as it looks.
Burnout may have cost me millions, but it gave me something worth infinitely more: myself.
The Reframe
If you’re reading this and you see pieces of your own story in mine — the exhaustion, the striving, the quiet unraveling — know this:
You are not broken. You are simply being called to reframe what resilience means for you.
It’s not about pushing harder; it’s about recovering deeper.
It’s not about bouncing back; it’s about building back better.
If you’re ready to start that process — to pause, to pivot, to pursue a new kind of success — I created something to help you begin.
👉 Download The Resilience Reframe Workbook — a guided reflection to help you redefine resilience, rediscover yourself, and rebuild in a way that lasts.
Because you don’t need to burn out to rise again. You just need to remember that your worth isn’t in the climb — it’s in the comeback.
Hey There, I’m
Madison
full-time scientist, average writer, and founder of resilienSHE.
Around here, I share honest conversations, tools, and reflections for women who want to achieve boldly and rest essentially – redefining resilience on our own terms.
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